The Funnies Thread
The Funnies Thread
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Charmalu sent me this and I thought it was worthy of a post....
Sex Flow Chart (a powerpoint presentation)
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Gota love Mercedes Diesels!
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DeliveryValve
03-10-2011, 01:03 AM #1This thread is for jokes and other funny stuff that is not a "fail"...
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Charmalu sent me this and I thought it was worthy of a post....
Sex Flow Chart (a powerpoint presentation)
.
Gota love Mercedes Diesels!
.
1990 Power Ram 50 V6 SOHC 24V 6g72
I can be wrong, don't take everything I say as verbatim, please fact-check first.
My posts are my personal opinions and thoughts, unless otherwise noted.
Small sample size, must be a tiny cell block where they took those statistics...
1990 Power Ram 50 V6 SOHC 24V 6g72
I can be wrong, don't take everything I say as verbatim, please fact-check first.
My posts are my personal opinions and thoughts, unless otherwise noted.
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
-Jesse
80 300sd hy35, front mount intercooler, w115 intake, rack limiter removed, Alda removed, full load turned up, boost, ebp, trans, pyro, egr delete, 3.5" exhaust, e-fan, 16x8 rims with, 245/50 tires, lowered, bilstien 5100's, 12" front brakes, 2.65:1 diff.
97 f250 psd 4x4, crawler
70 f250 390
83 Volvo 242, lots of mods
66 Volvo amazon
10 mistsubishi fuso service truck.
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
-Jesse
80 300sd hy35, front mount intercooler, w115 intake, rack limiter removed, Alda removed, full load turned up, boost, ebp, trans, pyro, egr delete, 3.5" exhaust, e-fan, 16x8 rims with, 245/50 tires, lowered, bilstien 5100's, 12" front brakes, 2.65:1 diff.
97 f250 psd 4x4, crawler
70 f250 390
83 Volvo 242, lots of mods
66 Volvo amazon
10 mistsubishi fuso service truck.
(03-14-2011, 09:41 PM)300D50 Small sample size, must be a tiny cell block where they took those statistics...
Went over your head....
1 out of 12 people doesnt, the receiver, not the givers
1987 300D Sturmmachine
1991 300D Nearly Perfect
1985 300D Weekend/Camping/Dog car
1974 L508D Motoroam Monarch "NightMare"
OBK #42
(03-14-2011, 09:41 PM)300D50 Small sample size, must be a tiny cell block where they took those statistics...
Went over your head....
1 out of 12 people doesnt, the receiver, not the givers
1987 300D Sturmmachine
1991 300D Nearly Perfect
1985 300D Weekend/Camping/Dog car
1974 L508D Motoroam Monarch "NightMare"
OBK #42
yankneck696
03-15-2011, 05:57 PM #6Winmutt.... I guess you don't know some of the women I have known...LOL
Ed
(03-15-2011, 04:56 PM)winmutt(03-14-2011, 09:41 PM)300D50 Small sample size, must be a tiny cell block where they took those statistics...
Went over your head....
1 out of 12 people doesnt, the receiver, not the givers
Didn't go over my head, I was saying 12 people per cell block was likely a tad small...
1990 Power Ram 50 V6 SOHC 24V 6g72
I can be wrong, don't take everything I say as verbatim, please fact-check first.
My posts are my personal opinions and thoughts, unless otherwise noted.
(03-15-2011, 04:56 PM)winmutt(03-14-2011, 09:41 PM)300D50 Small sample size, must be a tiny cell block where they took those statistics...
Went over your head....
1 out of 12 people doesnt, the receiver, not the givers
Didn't go over my head, I was saying 12 people per cell block was likely a tad small...
1990 Power Ram 50 V6 SOHC 24V 6g72
I can be wrong, don't take everything I say as verbatim, please fact-check first.
My posts are my personal opinions and thoughts, unless otherwise noted.
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is Fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid."
One year Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty quid, and Fifty quid is fifty quid."
The pilot happened to be walking by and overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you!
But if you say one word, it'll cost you fifty quid." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm very impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, But as you know, fifty quid is fifty quid."
Morris and his wife Esther went to the seaside every year, and every Year Morris would watch the helicopter giving pleasure flights and say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is Fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid."
One year Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty quid, and Fifty quid is fifty quid."
The pilot happened to be walking by and overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you!
But if you say one word, it'll cost you fifty quid." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm very impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, But as you know, fifty quid is fifty quid."
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